Funny Stories (Claymore)

[Fain]

Thats something to test your creativity. Just write dialogues/stories about what could have happened in the 7 year break. (make them as funny and as stupid as you want)

I'll start.........

Someday Raki found accidently Irene:

Irene: Oh my the last 7 years where a pain.......
Raki: Why are you telling me ? I don't know you....
Irene: You have a small scent of Clare on you...
Raki: You know Clare ?
Irene: Yeah. I gave her my arm. I tried to let it regrow but I found out that I didn't know how....so I travelled around alot with none of my arms.
Raki: So you lost some bodyparts too ? I lived together with a girl named Priscilla for a while. After some time I got closer to her.....and while having sex she devoured one of my kidneys so I flew........to where I am now.
Irene: Oh thats bad.
Raki: What the heck are you doing with no arm left ? how do you eat ?
Irene: I had a plan to overcome the loss of my arm. I replaced it with a wooden stick and pump my energy into it.....however it didn't work the way I want. It only starts to burn instead of moving. Now I have to do all with my teeth. And about eating.....you have to know I only eat meat. The problem is I can only eat raw meat. Oh my.....why are you puking ?
Raki: Oh its okay (disguisting old b****). Don't you feel lonley from time to time ?
Irene: Nah...a lot of people visited me by now.....the worst was raphaela...the cyclop. She made fun of me and said that I have an even higher handcap than her......oh and she forget to by me a birthdaypresent and so it had to come like it came. We fought each other, thats called handicaped fights....its like boxing.....but you earn a lot if you make your opponent a bigger handicap.
Raki: Ok.......? You know what......I'm going back to Priscilla.......I just found out that she wasn't that bad.

........Rakis gone.......

irene: Why is everyone gone when I talk about my problems and my life ???

[ketmj]

Miria's Birthday

Tabitha: Yuma, Cynthia and I got you some new hair ties for your birthday.
Miria: Thanks
Deneve: Heres your cake.
Miria: Thats a brick.
Deneve: Its a brick with a cake drawn on it. I made you a real one but Helen ate it.
Helen: I was hungry! You could have made another one.
Deneve: I didnt feel like it.
Miria: I'm really feeling loved right now.
Helen: Heres a bag of apples! Just ignore the parts that have already been eaten.
Miria: Ewwwwwwwwwww................
Helen: Clare! Whatcha get Miria?
Clare: A bucket of rocks.
Miria: A bucket of rocks?
Clare: I thought that you'd like to throw then at Helen.
Helen: Huh!?
Miria: Thanks!
Helen: Oww!!!!!!!!
Deneve: Clare, you just wanted to get Helen back for tripping you and then making fun of you saying that you were a klutz yesterday.
Clare: Yep, popcorn?
Deneve: Thanks!
They all watched Miria pelt Helen with rocks until a well aimed rock hit her and knocked her out.

[SOSAnimeBoy]

These two fan fics were pretty funny.

[neuro]

the 2nd one was so dame good lol

[Fain]

Another new story:
Dialog between Rubel and Hermit ( Those to black hooded guys of the organisation......)
(I'm not sure if hermit was his name cause it is more a way of live than a name, if sb nows the true name post it.)

Rubel: Hey look at them those claymores became very pretty.
Hermit: I don't think so.
Rubel: Why? I would give my hat and my glasses for some special time with some of them and this hat and glasses are my only belongings.
Hermit: I think they looked far cuter when they were kids. I think we should sent this generation in a war as well, so that we can have some new young once.
Rubel: Damn, hermit you are a pervert, are you "phedo" or what?
Hermit:No ehhhh I don't thinks so ehhhhh....don't you think it is important to let them die soon?
Rubel: Why ? We need them...
Hermit: Think about the money !
Rubel: Money?
Hermit: Damn, yeah the money. Those Claymores are buying our uniforms, our panties our bras and so on. If we kill them now we can make more profit.
Rubel: So it was all about the money ? I thought you like to make love with chil...
Hermit: Rubel you idiot you should know, that I'm a money-fetish.
Rubel: Thats also bad you know, not worse than to be yeah ya know, but bad.
Hermit: Did ya know that claymore.....Ophelia was her name I think.... she was necrophile. Even petting under the skin makes her horny but what she does afterwards is even worse.
Rubel: Is everyone a perv now? Nahhh give me more examples!
Hermit: Okay. first one: Clare and the little boy.
Rubel: Okay...thats........ehhh dou you have others too.
Hermit: Yeah. Deneve and Helen are lesbians I think. Miata is a perverted child. Raphaela and her sister had a lesbo-bond too until she became an AO. Good thing that none of them was a man otherwise it would be incest. Do you need anymore examples.
Rubel: Did you save the worst for the end?
Hermit: Yes that would be the worst.
Rubel: Tell me. Now I want to know.
Hermit: You won't believe it. Chastity..... unbelievable Irene really did that after loosing her arms.
Rubel: That talk was pure horror. I need a lot of threesomes to forget that. See ya I'm visiting some Claymores now.
Hermit: One last thing? Why doesn't appear other guys from the organization than us ?
Rubel: Now that I heared that much it is simple: They are gay. Now I really need a lot of sex to forget about this whole disgusting thing or I'll puke soon.
Hermit: By by.

[gigashamon]

excellent!! nice story....

[ketmj]

One year after the Northern War the Gruesome Death Club decided for no reason whatsoever to recuit new members.
Undine: I got my arms diced into pieces and then I was slashed!
Flora: I got stabbed in my head and then I was split in two!
Random members: Ooooooooooo cool!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ridgardo: That's nothing! I was chopped into ity bity pieces by someone growing blades out of their body!
Random members: Wow that's gruesome! Can we have your autograph?
Rigardo: Haha! I'm way more popular here without Isley hanging around! What happened to you Luciella?
Luciella: I was hugged to death.
Complete silence and then they all burst out laughing.
Rigardo: Ahahahaha! You were hugged to death? That's pathetic!
Ophelia: Ahahaha! You can't join the Gruesome Death Club.
Dead awakened one: You can join our club Luciella.
Luciella: Really? What's it called?
Dead awakened one: The Pathetic Death Club. I was skipping along a mountainside and accidently set off a rock slide and a huge boulder smashed my head. I wasn't allowed to join the G.D.C. because they said it was death by stupidity. So i made my own.
Luciella: Wait!!! I was just joking before I didn't get hugged to death! My death was horribly gruesome! Uh,I was fighting Isley and he was like wham and i got hit by a bunch of spears! Yeah that's right! And ummm Smash! Pow! Bang! Then I got hit by some arrow thingy and that like hurt! Then Wham! Slash! and then uhh I got cut up a lot! Yeah and then ummmm.....it was totally gruesome!
They didn't believe her and security was called and they had to drag her away. She ended up forming her own club however called the Society for Loving Unappreciated Gruesome and Entertaining Deaths or S.L.U.G.E.D., but was commonly referred to by the Gruesome Death Club as sluged. For some reason it didn't really catch on and really ended up being the new name for the Pathetic Death Club.

[Fain]

Isley, Raki and Priscilla dining.

Raki: What do you say? I think I really made some progress in swordscraft.
Isley: Yeah you did.
Prisc: ...
Raki: What is it Priscilla? Does someone started throwing rocks at you and calling you a monster again? I will punish them.
Isley: Raki...you have to excuse yourself before you leave the dinning table.
Raki: Oh sorry...
Isley: Do you know how long it took me to find a place with enough warm guts?
Raki: What?
Isley: I meant...do you know how long it took me to hunt down "deer" and make the food warm? ( damn.....he is indeed a stupid boy...)
Raki: I'm really sorry but I have to help Priscilla.

The two of them went out. Raki attacked the one who told "lies" about priscilla and killed him. Afterwards they came back in.

Isley: Priscilla you are covered in blood.
Raki: Dammit Isley just help me a little bit. She hasn't come over the cannibalism thing by now. I tried for months to make her stop with that.
Isley: I don't know wht to do myself. (stupid boy....if priscilla wasn't here I would have chopped of your head you know...)
Raki: Maybe it is cause of your bad cooking. Most of your dishes taste like raw meat.
Isley: Thats very impolite. (Idiot.....that is raw meat....)
Raki: One question Isley.... why is your under half the one of a horse ?
Isley: (Damn i have accidently changed my under half) I tried to put on a christmas costume...( I'm so lucky that he is that stupid hehe)
Raki: Wait a moment thats a hors costume not a deer costume and it is july...
Isley:Ohhh they tricked me at the store....(shit....did he found out=
Raki: Sorry for you. (damn that isley is stupid....)
Isley: Hey Raki why do you have that strange look now.
Raki: Ehhhh...Priscilla suddenly grew a horn....
Isley: Ohhhh ehhh thats probably cause of the cosmetics I bought.
Raki: Ohhhh. (Damn Isley really is stupid....can't even buy products without side effects.)

Meanwhile Priscilla eats human on the floor. Everything is red. After she finished Raki stood up. He sees the lot of blood.

Raki: Damn Isley. Priscilla had her period again. Why didn't you buy sanitary pads?
Isley: (That enough.....now I'll kill him.....that much idiocy is too much to stand....)

[gigashamon]

that was excellent!!

[SOSAnimeBoy]

Omg roflmao

[ketmj]

Pranks with Helen
Helen: Argh!!! I'm soooo bored!!! There's nothing to do here!!!
Deneve: You could train or help me clean the cave.
Helen: Boooooriiing! Hey look it's Clare!
Deneve: What evil thing are you planning?
Helen: Hehehe! This will be great!
Deneve: Whatever it is that you're planning to do, don't
Helen:This'll be fun!
Helen super stretched her leg and kicked Clare down and head went smack on the ground.
Helen: Oh here she comes! Quick hide!
Deneve: Why do I still hang out with you?
Helen: Bwahahaha!!! She's gone! Ahahaha! Did you see that she didn't even know what hit her! Ahahahaha!!!
Deneve: I think she had a pretty good idea and if she finds you she'll tie you up into a giant pretzel.
Helen: Yeah right! Ooooooo look it's Miria! (An evil grin spread across her face)
Deneve: Don't she'll kill you.
Helen: You worry too much! This will be the mother of all pranks!
Deneve: I don't know you. I was never here. I'm leaving.
Helen super stretched her leg and kicked at Miria. Unfortunately for Helen, Miria knew what was comming and all Helen kicked was a phantom. Miria appeared behind the now confused and terrified Helen and gave her a black eye and a lump on her head.
Helen: Ouch! She didn't have to hit me so hard.
Clare: Hello Helen.
Helen: Uh oh. Ah...Hi Clare. Um...your hair is looking nice...
Clare used Helen's rubber like ability to tie her into a giant pretzel.
5 hours later
Deneve: I told you so.

[SOSAnimeBoy]

LMAO - pretzel is one term I never previously associated with helen. Thank you very much.

[Fain]

Riful and Duff: Why is Duff not longer on Rifuls side? I will tell:

A lot of people heared Riful talking that Duff was the only one who stayed at her side even though she had more power than him. Now look behind the scenes.

R:Ohhh Duff....you missed to clean the cave....there are still some guts lying around. You know that you shouldn't leave them there.
D: Of course Riful darling. (Once I have to stand up against her and show that I am the man.) I'll clean it away.
R: Oh forget that for now. There are new warriors coming. Polish the dungeon together with some of your friends.
D: But....we wanted to play bowling with the human heads we collected.
R: Duff ! I forbid you to keep them. Throw them away !
D: Oh sorry.... eh darling... I have a question.
R: What is it Duff ?
D: Did one of your previous dates ever dared to say you should give him more freedom or to not being such a dictator ?
R: Oh yes, in fact all of them, (expect you Duff), did that.
D: Ohhh, how did you react ?
R: Very mad, cause nothing was true what they said. Half of them lost their heads cause of their rudeness and the other half flew and never showed up again.
D: (Happy that I wasn't stupid enough to make the same mistake...) They were very horrible it seems.
R: You know Duff I really like you. You are the most sensitive and understanding husband a woman wants to have. (If you cheat on me I'll kill you)
D: Thanks. (somehow she is really nice too..)
R: Did you like our sex Duff.
D: Ohh yeah. (Damn I'm so pissed. I liked her cause she is a loli and not cause she is a s&m queen but now I don't dare to say that.)
R: Ehhh...Duff I never asked you before....why did you want to strip that Clare in our first hideout ? (If you don't have a reasonable cause I'll crush you)
D: I just wanted to know if she was male or female... (Like hell, of course I wanted to **** with her. My whole plan was to make a nice, young and understanding claymore awaken. After that I would have left you as soon as possible...with her)
R: For real ?
D: For real.
R: What do you think about Isley with her young little woman.
D: She seemed nice. (She would be the perfect girl for me. She is a loli and not a tyrant like Riful.) What did you think of Isley ?
R: Seemed nice to. (He is a dreamy guy... If only that Priscilla hasn't shown up. Now I have to stick with a stupid guy like Duff.)

Somehow a mail was brought in by the yoma-post-man.

D: Look at that. I got a letter. Seems like Priscilla left Isley for a human. Hah that was funny.
R: Ohhh I'm sorry for him but it is good for my plan to take over the continent. (Yessssss....now I only need a way to get rid of Duff and I can try to have Isley as my boyfriend but how do I get rid of him...)
D: Look another letter for me.
Duff instantly turned pale....
R: What is it?

The letter:
"Do you remember when I said: Dear Duff, I hate you AOs but If I'd ever awake I'll become your girl for sure? Yesterday I really awakened. I hope you really want to two time Riful with me. your blood-red-Agasa."

Riful took the letter and turned instantly mad after she read it.

R: You son of a b**** you....I'll kill you....

So Duff ran away...and Riful tried her luck with Isley...
Of course Isley couldn't stand her longer than others and somehow also disappeared.

R: Men are all the same...the next time I meet one I rip them apart. I try a relationship with women next. Sad that Ophelia already died...

[SOSAnimeBoy]

the second half comfused me. I'm not really sure what happened. O_o

[Fain]

Better now ??? I also got confused a bit when I reread it. ^^
I'm glad there are that lot of funny stories now. I hope that will go on ^^

[gigashamon]

nice one stories...

i hope there more to come

[ketmj]

Halloween day the Gruesome Death Club decided to go on a field trip and visit the last person to see them before they died.
Teresa: Hey what are you guys doing here?
Irene: I came to scare... I mean visit Clare, she was one of the last people I saw.
Noel: Sophia and I had nowhere else to go.
Irene: What about a visit to Pricilla?
Sophia: We aren't talking to her it's that idiot's fault we're dead! Besides Clare was the last person we saw before we died.
Jean: Hey you guys know Clare too?
Rigardo: What are you guys doing here?
Teresa: We came to scare Clare.
Rigardo: You can't scare her! I came to scare her!
Teresa: We were here first. Go somewhere else.
Rigardo: No fair! I wanted to scare her! I even came up with a master plan to scare her!
Flora: Oh are we all seeing Clare?
Rigardo: Oh no not another one! You know is there something wrong with Clare? It seems that an awful lot of people who know her seem to be dead.
Irene: You know I haven't really noticed, but now you mention it...
Teresa: Anyway, now there are seven of us.
Rigardo: We can't all go some of us have to leave.
Flora: Why can't we all go? It'll be fun.
Rigardo: But...
Teresa: Oh shut up and come on unless you want to be left behind.
Now in front of Clare
Rigardo: Rarr!!!!!!!! This is no fun if she's asleep!
Irene: What your master plan didn't plan for her to be asleep?
Rigardo: Shut up.
Teresa: It's ok I know how to wake her up.
Clare: Ow!!!! Who kicked me!
Teresa: HEY DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO STAY HUMAN YOU IDIOT! DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH!?
Clare: AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dead people: AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(Rigardo: RARR!!!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!).
All the yelling wakes up Miria and the others and they look at the scene in front of Clare with much confusion. Sensing that their trip was a success Teresa and company leave while Clare and the others contemplate what just happened.
The next morning
Miria: In conclusion to this morning's meeting we are never getting water from that place ever again.

[Fain]

I like Miria's conclusion best. Nice story !!!

[ketmj]

Thanks! I really liked your Pricilla, Raki, Isely story I thought it was great when Isely couldn't take anymore of Raki's stupidity.

[gigashamon]

LOL,

nice story, ketmj!

[gdperrin]

just a suggestion, why dont u take an actual page of claymore, one u see fit, erase the text and add you own.... graphic funny stories

[Fain]

Hmmmm.maybe I'll do that when I have some time...^^

[ketmj]

Pranks with Helen Part 2
Yuma: Are you sure this is ok?
Helen: Of course! It'll be fine, besides Miria loves to have pranks pulled on her.
Deneve: Isn't that a blatant lie? No good will come of this plan. Don't you remember when Clare tied you into a giant pretzel and left you like that for five hours?
Helen: Nothing bad will happen because this time I'm not going to do anything to Clare. See here's the plan, Miria comes around the corner while we hid behind Rigardo and roar. Mira will be like Ah!!!!! It'll be awesome! Ok Yuma use some more snow to make Rigardo's hair spiker.
Deneve: You never listen. I'm leaving, Yuma are you coming?
Yuma: Helen are you sure we aren't going to get into trouble?
Helen: Positive what could go wrong? You're staying to help me.
Yuma torn between not wanting to get into trouble and being included in something decides to stay and finish the giant Rigardo snow lion.
Helen: Oh here she comes! Ok Yuma here we go. Rarr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unbeknownst to them Miria was not alone and neither did she scream as they had imagined. Many things happened at once. Clare, who was with Miria, rushes at them screaming Kill! Kill! Kill! Yuma completely looses it and runs away screaming and crying running into Deneve, who had decided to stay and watch the fun, and had to be slapped by Deneve because she had become hysterical. Helen who most unfortunately didn't run away was kicked in the head by Clare as she went blazing through Rigardo the snow lion.
Helen: Clare! Ouch! Stop Clare! Heel Clare! That hurt! No Clare! Don't Attack!
Clare: Kill! Kill! Kill!
Helen: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Miria: Sigh... I suppose we should save Helen from Clare it could be problematic if she gets killed.
Miria goes to where Clare is chasing Helen around in circles and smashes Clare's face into the ground. Unfortunately smashing her face into the ground doesn't work and she is forced to kick Clare into space using the Teresa kick. Helen who was on the ground with two black eyes recieved two extra lumps on her head from Miria, one for being the master mind of the plan and another for traumatizing Yuma. Clare eventually left her orbit and fell back down to the ground ten minutes later.

[Fain]

Hunting with Isley and Priscilla

R:"Hey Isley finally we'll go hunting? I'm very excited..."
I:"It isn't that big deal....I hunted a lot before so there shouldn't be a problem..."
R:"By the way.....what are we hunting?"
I:"Some stupid animals of course...so probably deer. (damn, I nearly said human.)"
R:"Where is Priscilla?"
I:"Wasn't she right behind you...a minute ago...?"
R:"Oh my god didn't you say there are slave traders around this place?"
I:"ohhh yeah I nearly forgot. (Thats the own reason why I'm here. First I will show the boy how to hunt and then I wanted to feed on the guts of some slave traders.)"
R:"Shouldn't we search Priscilla...what would happen if she met some of those?"
I:"Bad for them. They are probably dead if they found her...."
R:"What? Why?"
I:"Ehhh.....she is armed with a dreadful weapon. (**** I have to be more cautious...I shouldn't have said that. I'm so lucky that the boy is stupid like a scarecrow.)"
R:"Than it is fine. (Hmmm what kind of weapon is that and why has a girl it? I shouldn't think about that...Isley has his reasons and he is the most trustworthy person I know.)"
In another place Priscilla finds some slave traders. Bad for them. She killed them all and starts to eat. Raki and Isley are hunting some deer meanwhile. Raki uses his bow and accidently shot through the trees and hit.......a poor old guy who wandered around.
Raki didn't realise but Isley smells it. Raki shoots three more arrows and accidently killed more innocent people. When they finished and Raki finally shot one deer, Isley "found" the corpses of the victims and took the them with him.
R:"What has happened, who could have killed those innocent people ?
That must have been a monster..."
I:"Yeah you are right. I will take the corpses with me to burry them. (This boy is so stupid, at least I have a fine meal now...)"
R:"So we just have to find Priscilla."
After a long search they discover priscilla sleeping naked under a tree and covered in blood and vomit of her victims.
R:"Priscilla what happened..."
P:"Eh....öhhm...."
R:"Oh no Isley...I just get the feeling that..."
I:"(Oh ****.....I have to kill him he knows we are AOs)"
R:"Priscilla is an alcoholic and a smoker..."
I:"What? (That boy is so stupid....isn't it obvisious that she is an AO?)"
R:"Look at her. She drank to much and her vomit is all over the ground. She also has lungbleeding cause of smoking... Isley you shouldn't buy some booze nor cigarretes for her. She is just a child. You know what you shouldn't have adopted Priscilla if you can't even be a good parent."
I:"Maybe she took some of these stuff from the victims around here?
(He is such an idiot, I'm not sure if I should cry or laugh...)"
R:"Yeah that has to be it.....but there is one more thing...."
I:"(Please not the question about the blood amount....)"
R:"Is she still a virgin? (If Isley raped her I would...)"
I:"What? (I can't take it any longer...I have to....)"
R:"And why is she naked? She doesn't like the clothes you bought Isley....you have no style...."
I:"(THats enough...now he even insults me and this nosense-logic of him.......a I won't hold back any longer...)"
Priscilla suddenly is fully awake. She hugs Raki and vomits a human eye....
R:"Hey Priscilla whats that....a marble? in the style of a human eye? Isley surley bought you a nice toy....after all he seems to be a good guy."
Isley who has changed his hands into claws suddenly stopped....not because of Rakis stupid words but cause of Priscillas piercing look.
Priscilla opens her mouth and....
P:"booze.....booze....booze..."
Priscilla finally said her first word but her word was one of those who Raki screamed loudest. Of course Raki misunderstood everything cause of his idiocy again.
R:"So you did buy her booze"
I:"(Arghhhhhhhhhhh, when Priscilla sleeps I'll kill him...I can't take it any longer....either him or me)"

[ketmj]

Bedtime Stories With Galatea
Little Girl: Sister Latea! Tell us a bedtime story please!!!!!!!!!
Other Children: Please!!!!!!!!!
Galatea: Ummmmmm ok (bedtime story?)
Little Boy: Yeah somthing adventurous!
Galatea: Adventure? Oh I know! Ok so there was this warror named ummm... Oh I know The Wise One. And one day The Wise One was told to find the biggest trouble maker in all the land and her name was Cla... I mean Stupid One. Wise One followed her into a dark mountain with body parts of monsters scattered all over the place. When she found her Stupid One was about to get her head smashed by this big ugly monster with huge rods sticking out all over its ugly body. (At this point the little girl sitting on Galatea's lap started shaking, but Galatea who was oblivious to the reason thought she was cold). The very kind Wise One saved the very troublesome Stupid One from the ugly monster and his friend the evil little brat repeatedly and all she got for her trouble were broken ribs, a concussion and getting inpaled by a rod.
Priest: Uh Sister Latea I think it's time for them to go to bed.
Galatea: Ok night sweet dreams.
Kids: I'm too scared to sleep.
Priest: Uh Latea I think that story was a bit too scary.
Galatea: Really?
Priest: Didn't you notice the little girl that was sitting on your lap was trembling?
Galatea: Hmmm... really? I thought she was cold.
Priest: Next time less scary.
The next night
Galatea: Then the teddy bear sprouted tentacles from its mouth that ripped apart the other teddy and grew claws that slashed the dead teddy's friends.

[SOSAnimeBoy]

Darkest sketch, darkest sketch, darkest sketch!!!

[Fain]

Bedtime Stories With Galatea
Little Girl: Sister Latea! Tell us a bedtime story please!!!!!!!!!
Other Children: Please!!!!!!!!!
Galatea: Ummmmmm ok (bedtime story?)
Little Boy: Yeah somthing adventurous!
Galatea: Adventure? Oh I know! Ok so there was this warror named ummm... Oh I know The Wise One. And one day The Wise One was told to find the biggest trouble maker in all the land and her name was Cla... I mean Stupid One. Wise One followed her into a dark mountain with body parts of monsters scattered all over the place. When she found her Stupid One was about to get her head smashed by this big ugly monster with huge rods sticking out all over its ugly body. (At this point the little girl sitting on Galatea's lap started shaking, but Galatea who was oblivious to the reason thought she was cold). The very kind Wise One saved the very troublesome Stupid One from the ugly monster and his friend the evil little brat repeatedly and all she got for her trouble were broken ribs, a concussion and getting inpaled by a rod.
Priest: Uh Sister Latea I think it's time for them to go to bed.
Galatea: Ok night sweet dreams.
Kids: I'm too scared to sleep.
Priest: Uh Latea I think that story was a bit too scary.
Galatea: Really?
Priest: Didn't you notice the little girl that was sitting on your lap was trembling?
Galatea: Hmmm... really? I thought she was cold.
Priest: Next time less scary.
The next night
Galatea: Then the teddy bear sprouted tentacles from its mouth that ripped apart the other teddy and grew claws that slashed the dead teddy's friends.

Wish I would hear some bedtimestorries like that ^^
nice one dude....

[gigashamon]

haha, that's one hell of a bed time story...

[ketmj]

Fun Nicknames with Clare
Clare: Ok first of all I think it would be fun if we had nicknames like Miria.
Group: Oh that's great!
Clare: So in that spirit I have personally thought of nicknames for all of you.
Deneve: You thought these up?(Inner Deneve: If it's something embarrassing I'll kill you).
Clare: So first is Helen, you can be Rubbery Pretzel Helen.
Helen: Huh? That's a horrible nickname think of another one.
Clare: No
Deneve: Ahahahaha!!! That's a perfect name for you!
Clare: Next is Cynthia, you are No Pants Girl.
Cynthia: No fair! It's not my fault you guys forgot to get me pants when you went to get new clothes! Why do I have to be punished for your mistake?!
Helen: Look at it this way no one will ever forget it.
Cynthia sits and pouts in a corner while the other two fear for the worse and Deneve thinks of different ways to kill Clare by making it look like an accident.
Clare: Ok Tabitha you can be Tabitha the Amazing Voyeur.
Tabitha: No way! I am not going by that nickname!
Clare: Why not it's what your ability is?
Cynthia: Hehe yeah Tabitha it accurately describes what you can do.
Tabitha: Shut up No Pants Girl.
Clare: Hmmm... Next is Deneve you are Madam Sunshine Giggles.
Deneve: No (Inner Deneve: Your dead) (Helen starts to laugh but quickly stops after recieving a death glare from Deneve)
Clare: Yes that's your new nickname, I was thinking about Madam Grumpy Pants, but I like the other one better.
Yuma: Ummm...(hide I must hide before I become the next victim).
Clare: Yuma!(Yuma: Oh no she saw me!) You are Invisible Yuma, cause no one ever notices you.
Deneve: Hey Clare what's your nickname? I'm thinking of some really good ones for you right now.
Clare: Oh look Miria is back! Sorry I don't have time to tell you mine, bye bye.
Clare didn't really escape getting a nickname from the others and they started calling her Clarenstein. This prompted a shouting match of the nicknames back and forth at each other that eventually annoyed Miria so much that she prohibited the use of them, except hers of course.

[Fain]

The story of Raciela:

After a bit of manipulating yoki Raciela was born...
(but as mutant...with to heads and a third arm...)
Riful looks at her disguisting body and wouldn't need long to puke...but somehow she manages to keep calm...

Riful: Finally you are back Luciela...
Raciela: I...not...Luciela....I...Raciela...
Riful: Ehhh yeah....(dammit a failure I should have killed her after I've seen the outcome...)
Raciela:I wanna eat...
Riful: Now tell me how did you start to merge I wanna hear the complete story...
Raciela:...Raciela hungry...wanna eat an octopus...
Riful:Ehhh Duff please bring some human guts...the girl scares me...

Raciela eats a lot
Riful is very angry cause the thing turned out very bad and thinks about killing it right now.

Raciela: Hey girli...entertain....me...
Riful: Oh now you are starting to talk... are your brains finally merging correctly?
Raciela: Do not make fun of me...
Riful: I can you are nothing against me. Just take a look at you. You are ugly and weak.
Raciela: So what...
Riful: You are a mere pawn in my plans...
Raciela: Times wasting...
Riful: What?
Raciela: The merging it....

Suddenly the abomination was split in two different AOs
Luciela and Raphaela (awakened)

Riful:Oh my....not good. Luciela may be a hard fight...
Raphaela: You won't get away this easy...
Raphaela/Luciela: FUSION-HA

Now the merged into a perfect being...

Riful: I was just kidding while calling you an abomination....you certainly know that do you...
Raciela: I will show you no mercy...
Riful: Oh damn I need a plan...
Raciela: Forget it now we will rule...
Riful: That's it! Duff use the fusion technique against those two...

So Duff fused with the perfect fighter and they became an abomination again...
Riful beated the crap out of it and after a while it defused. She nearly killed Luciela and Raphaelas yoki tries to heal her again. After a while...

Riful: Eh Duff we better just pretend that never happenedand try it all over again. This time they seem to merge better together. We just need a warrior who excells at reading yoki this time instead the way you wanted to revive them.

Duff: I think my idea to let lightning revive them and me punching it into one mass was a good idea...

Riful: This time we'll do it my way....or do you want to be beaten up like before again?
Duff: Sorry...

[ketmj]

Yea! Mutant with two heads and three arms :D. I still think that would be funny if that happened. Hehe nice story.

[ketmj]

Cynthia's Revenge
Clare: Ummm it seems that you guys forgot to get enough clothes for everyone.
Deneve: Really? Let me see there's six of us...
Clare: No there's seven you counted wrong.
Helen: Oh yeah we forgot to count Yuma.(Yuma: I feel loved)
Deneve: Well who are we missing now?
Clare: Cynthia, she's out getting food.
Helen: Oh well then that's ok she's always so happy and bubbly she won't mind not having pants.
Clare:True and if that doesn't work you could always say they're invisible.(Cynthia who had just gotten back heard the entire conversation)
Cynthia: Just wait I'll have my revenge no one will escape me I know where you all sleep.
Months later
Cynthia: I'm finally ready to exact my revenge on those who forgot my pants and Clare who gave me that horrid nickname No Pants Girl. Even though Miria prohibited the use of it everyone is still secretly calling me that. You will regret the day you messed with me!(insert evil Cynthia laugh of choice).
Cynthia somehow found pink and purple writing instruments and drew smiley faces, smiling suns and flowers, singing and dancing flowers and all sort of cute things all over Deneve's swords. She then hid the writing instruments in Helen's things. Deneve was horrified to see the new decorations on her beloved claymores and immediately suspects Helen and whacks her after finding the writing things in her stuff.
Days later
Cynthia:Now to the second phase of my revenge Yuma.(Cynthia somehow finds black sunglasses and a black hat and sneaks up behind Yuma who was standing all alone humming to herself) Yuuuma!
Yuma: Ah!!! Rubel!!! (Yuma faints right on the spot convinced that Rubel found her. Miria finds Yuma and finds the hat and sunglasses in Helen's things. Helen gets whacked by Miria for pretending to be Rubel).
Helen: Ouch! Why did I get blamed for scaring Yuma, although it was a brillant idea, I didn't do it!
Deneve: Well you have to admit, it does sound like something you would do.
Clare: Hey have you noticed that Cynthia has been acting kinda weird?
Helen: What do you mean?
Clare: Well she's been walking around talking and laughing to herself.
Deneve: Hmmm ah she's fine, besides maybe her happy side's finally cracked her.
Cynthia: Now to the final stage of my revenge Clare.
Again she finds a writing instrument by unknown means and while they're all sleeping writes on their respective swords the nicknames Clare gave to all of them except Miria; Tabitha the Amazing Voyeur, No Pants Girl on her own sword, Invisible Yuma, Rubbery Pretzel Helen, Madam Sunshine Giggles on Deneve's, and then Cynthia came up with one that was bound to make Miria mad; Windbag Miria. She then hid the writing instrument in Clare's things and awaited the morning with much glee. Since Clare was the only one without a special name and the writing instrument was found in her things she was blamed. Miria furious at being called windbag kicked Clare and she was forced to do several unpleasent chores. No one ever suspected Cynthia.
Cynthia: (insert evil Cynthia laugh of choice) My revenge is compleeeeee...(at that moment the cliff she was dancing on gave way and she fell breaking her leg).

[SOSAnimeBoy]

Who the heck is Rubel?

[ketmj]

One of the guys in black from the organization, You know the one that was always telling Clare where to go next.

[Fain]

@ ketmj

nice story

@ SOSAnimeBoy

Here is a picture of Rubel ^^
http://www.franky-house.com/forums/picture.php?albumid=50&pictureid=735

[ketmj]

Clare's Birthday Blues
Miria: Ok so I know all of you remember that today is Clare's birthday.
Helen: Really?
Miria: All of you except Helen. So now we are going to throw her a surprise party. Helen you always mess up things like this so you're in charge of keeping Clare busy until we're ready.
Several hours later
Miria: Helen why are you alone? Where is Clare?
Helen:She said that I was annoying her and then hit me, she escaped while I was unconscious!
Miria: Go find her! I don't care what you do bring her back for her party!
Clare: Stupid Helen, why did she smash my face into the ground? Here I was singing happy birthday to myself with my snow cake and she comes and starts beating me up!
Helen: Hmmm where is Clare? Oh there she is! Hehe I'm going to have to be all stealthy like if i'm going to catch her.
Clare: I sense some horrible misfortune is about to befall me.
At that moment Helen dived on Clare and the world of Clare went black.
Helen: We're Baaack!!! Haha! Look I found her and brought her back for her surprise birthday party!
Miria: Ah!!! What happened to her?!
Helen had walked into the cave dragging Clare on the floor.
Deneve: Why does she have a black eye?!
Tabitha: She's out cold! Look she has a huge lump on the back of her head!
Cynthia: It looks like someone beat her up!
Helen: WHAT?! You guys told me to find her and bring her back and that you didn't care what I had to do.
Miria: I didn't mean for you to nearly beat her to death.
Helen: It's not that bad she's just unconscious. See all we have to do is prop her up.
Deneve: This is the worst party ever. How can we have a party with Clare unconscious?
Helen: It's not that bad, look we'll just pretend she's awake. Clare, how about some cake?
Helen smashes cake all over Clare's face which wakes her up. Fortunately in their effort to pretend nothing was wrong, Yuma had the idea of tying Clare in the chair so that she would stay in better. Clare could not move and Helen was saved. Just as Clare was about to use a few well chosen words to Helen, Helen shoved a huge piece of cake in Clare's mouth and the others started singing. The party proceeded, although they left Clare tied to the chair out of fear that she would try to kill them.

[gigashamon]

i hope i won't get a surprise b-day like that one, tied to a chair

haha

[ketmj]

Miria's Great Escape
Helen: Miria!!! Deneve hit me!!!
Deneve: Miria!!! Helen's driving me crazy! Make her stop!
Helen: Did not!
Clare: Miria!!! Why can't I go looking for Raki by myself?! I don't need a babysitter!
Cynthia: LaLaLaLa, I'm soooooo happy and bubbly blah blah blah blah.
Yuma: Ummm... I'm sorry I'm useless.
Cynthia: Miria!!! They're calling me No Pants Girl again!
Tabitha: I don't wanna babysit Clare! She's always grumpy when we go!
Helen: I'm hungry what's for dinner? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Miria: They're driving me crazy!!! I have to get away from them before I kill them!
Several hours later
Yuma: Hey, has anyone seen Miria?
Deneve: No, I haven't seen her for a few hours.
Helen: AGH!!! OH NO! HOW WILL WE KNOW WHAT TO EAT! THE FUZZY BLUE BREAD OR THE ONE THAT ISN'T BLUE AND FUZZY!!!
Everyone Else: AGH!!! WE'RE GONNA STARVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Clare: My chance to look for Raki without a babysitter! Yay!!!
Somewhere far far far away..................
Miria: They weren't this whiny before! Argh!!! Why do they need to be constantly mothered?! Clare with her Raki this Raki that blah blah blah, and Helen annoying everyone for her own enjoyment, and even Cynthia's super happy bubbly attitude is getting to me saying "happy morning all!" well no it's not a happy morning just leave me alone!
Helen: Now, I wonder where Miria is....
Clare: Helen! Let me go! I want to look for Raki! I don't need a babysitter!
Helen: (Whack!) (Clare: Ouch!) No we're looking for Miria right now, besides you're not allowed to wander away by yourself. Look there she is! Miria!
Miria: Oh no they found me...
Helen: Miria! We found you! Hey, which one should we eat the blue fuzzy bread or the other one that isn't blue and fuzzy? Hey, are you crying? You can have the blue fuzzy one if you want.
Clare: Argh!!! Helen let me go!!! (Wham!) Ouch! Why did you hit me? (Whack!) Deneve!
Miria: AGH!!! You three stop! Helen, let go of Clare. Deneve and Helen stop hitting Clare. Clare where are you sneaking off too? You know you're not allowed to wander off by yourself. (Clare: What does she have eyes in the back of her head?) I heard that! Helen use your brain and throw away the blue fuzzy bread!
Helen: Huh?
Miria: AH!!!!! DON'T EAT THAT!!!
Helen: Oh sorry I was hungry, do you want some? (Smack!) Ouch!
Miria: You can't eat that! Argh! What is wrong with you people?!

[ketmj]

Clare the Barber
Helen: Now remember I only want a trim.
Clare: Yeah yeah a trim. Ok ready?
Helen: Yep.
Clare: How's that?
Helen: Thanks! Yuma it's your turn now.
Yuma: I don't wanna go!
Helen: Oh come on! Clare cuts hair great!
Clare comes over to Yuma and drags her to the chair with Yuma kicking and screaming.
Miria: Helen! What happened to you? You're all bloody!
Helen: Clare cut my hair. It's perfectly straight! She used the wind cutter to give me a trim.
Miria: Why?!
Helen: Because you put Clare on hair cutting duty remember? Yuma is getting her hair cut now.
Miria: Oh no! I have to save her!
Clare: Ok Yuma you wanted to cut a bit off the bottom?
Yuma: Yes... (Yuma is cowering in the chair with her hands over her eyes)
Clare: Ok! Here we go! (Yuma starts whimpering)
Miria: NO STOP!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! (Yuma: I'm saved!)
Clare: Cutting Yuma's hair.
Miria: CLARE! THAT'S NOT THE CORRECT WAY TO CUT HAIR!
Miria had run in to see Yuma cowering and whimpering in the chair with her hands over her eyes and Clare standing behind her with her claymore raised above their heads getting ready to swing.
Clare: Why? I use a nice swing to cut a lot of hair and the wind cutter to trim small lengths.
Miria: You could kill someone like that! Helen came back all bloody!
Clare: Bloody but not dead.
Clare was never allowed to cut hair ever again.

[Fain]

Raki & Priscilla SPECIAL


Raki: Hey Priscilla come on we are looking in the south for Clare !

Priscilla follows him. Priscilla wanted to explain that the south is hundreds of miles away but Raki ignored her. Priscilla was mad but Raki learnt her a song.
1000 miles later...

Prisc: I know a song which annoys anyone,annoys anyone,annoys anyone.
I know a song which annoys anyone,annoys anyone,annoys anyone.
I know a song which annoys anyone,annoys anyone,annoys anyone.
Raki: Shut up ! After several weeks without eating anything other than roots and berries, we finally found a city ! (Yeah Priscilla didn't shrink cause Raki forbid her to feed on humans but of starvation and dehydration.)

Both of them entered the city. (only a small village)
Raki looked for some food and after a while he saw some strange signs in the village.
Corpses were laying all over the ground and the blood still seems fresh. Now he Raki became scared. He started looking for Priscilla who he left suddenly after they entered the village. At the time he found her she was covered in blood and Raki asked her:

What has happened here Priscilla ?
P: Yooooooma ! Yooooooma !
R: Where ?
The blood on her cheeks and her mouth was still dropping to the ground while she pointed a finger at an innocent survivor of the massacre. Suddenly Raki had an Idea !
He took a sword as big as a Claymore that was laying around somewhere and assaulted the villager. (Where the heck did he get that huge sword ? It suddenly was there ?) The villager died instantly. Raki somehow decided his future on this stupid event. He will try to kill every Yoma until he finds Clare. After this bloodshed he went out with Priscilla in the wildernis again and went another 1000 miles in a completley wrong direction.

P: When will we arrive ?
R Soon !
P: When will we arrive ?
R Soon !
P: When will we arrive ?
R: Why don't you sing again ?
P: I know a song which annoys anyone,annoys anyone,annoys anyone.
R: Damn I forgot that it was this song !
( A village, I need to find a village otherwise I will go crazy)

So Priscilla's hunger grew again and together with Raki's stupidity both of them ereased at least 50 towns before Raki finally found Clare

[ketmj]

Rubel's Great Mistake

Rubel: (Sigh) She isn't here yet, looks like I'm going to have to kill time. I'm soooo bored what should I do? Huh? Oh look it's a bath house I should go look and make sure that there are no yoma inside that could kill the poor women of this town. I'm such a caring person. Sometimes it's sooooooooo hard to be me.
Inside the bath house
Lady 1:... and that's when I punched him.
Lady 2: Hmmm so he only ended up with a black eye?
Lady1: Oh no I broke a few of his ribs as well.
Lady 2: Nice, Huh is that an eye?
Lady 3 Ah!!!!!!!!!!! It's a disembodied eye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lady 1: No it's a peeper!!!!
Lady 2: Get him!!!
Rubel: Uh oh...
Somewhere in the town
Claymore (who shall remain nameless because I feel like it): Agh! Where is Rubel? I wonder why he told me to meet him here usually he just sneaks up on me in the middle of nowhere. Hmmm, a bath house? Oh I bet that's why he wanted me to meet him here so he could spy on them, old pervert.
(Wham!!!) Take that peeper! (Crack!!!) Pervert! The Claymore walked closer to the front of the bath house to see a group of very angry towns women kicking, stomping, and punching something black. As she walked closer she realized the black thing was Rubel and figured that he must have been caught peeping.
Claymore: Hmmm I suppose I should help him... maybe. (Sigh) Well at this rate he could die... although... (Sigh) I suppose I have to save him. Oh there you are Rubel! (She walks towads him and notices that he hasn't noticed her so she accidently on purpose steps on his arm and it breaks.) Whatever could you be doing down there? Up you get.
Rubel: mmmmmm mhmmmmmm
Claymore: Oh your very welcome. Of course I would save you. (Inner thought: Although I did stand laughing and watching it for a bit with the towns people.)
Well in the end Rubel came away from the experience with two black eyes, swollen jaw, couple of broken ribs, many bruises, and of course a broken arm.
Erimita: Rubel! What happened to you!?
Rubel: I fell.
Erimita: Yeah right he probably got caught peeping.