Inoko
04-22-2008, 07:17 AM
A few things before I get in to the meat of this.
As I mentioned in my greeting in the introductory forum (http://www.franky-house.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4406), I'm a proofreader who currently doesn't have a group. I had certain Real Life issues crop up that lead to me being removed from my previous group, and while I'm more than happy to discuss them with someone, I am unwilling to do so on a public forum. What I mean by that is simply that if it's a concern to whomever grades these tests, that they should send me a private message, instead of posting here asking for more details.
Now then, with that said...
Anything in my example proofing of the test here which is surrounded by [PR Note: ] is something I personally am saying to the typesetter/editor reading this over. A lot of changes I made were made based only on context and what the translator put in his notes, and this was a terrible quality script, honestly. Rude of me to say, but that's how it is. It especially bothered me that there's a line that wasn't translated, and that there's no guide to which bubbles these lines are originally from. If I had the raws (something I like to have when proofing to get a sense of intent from people's expressions) I'd have been trying to piece it all together based on a best guess.
Anyways. I'm opinionated about proper English and a few things were just straight wrong from a grammar perspective. But, regardless. My test is under the second spoiler tag, and hopefully I didn't do this wrong. But again, I noticed Michi complain here (http://www.franky-house.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3483) about people not just taking the listed tests from here (http://www.franky-house.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3110) for their tests, so I did just that.
chapter 47 : Confess
Page 90
male lead: If you are getting serious (about fighting with me), perhaps i would have lose instantly/quickly
male lead: It's true that i lose to every aspect of yours.
male lead: but...
male lead: my heart toward [girl lead] is definately stronger than yours
page 92
beated up guy: you... you like [girl lead] more than me?
baeted up guy: what kind of joke is this! (but i prefer to replace it with, Are you kidding?!)
page 93
beated up guy: its been 15 years...
beated up guy: over this 15 years, i always hope that i can give/show [girl lead] happiness! (but i prefer it to be: i always hope that i can cherish her!
beated up guy: and you are saying you love her more than i do?
male lead: although this is what you said, but...
male lead: arent you left her before?
beated up guy: ...what?
page 94
male lead: before she's with me... (but i prefer to replace it with, before we are together...)
male lead: she is a fiancee of another guy! (sorry, i dunno how to translate this line literally. it should be something like, she had a "pre-marriage/proposal/i serioulsy dunno the word in english" with another guy!)
*flash back*
girl lead: aunty, are you bringing this to [beated up guy]?
girl lead: let me bring it to him!
aunty: but he is not at his room....
girl lead: then he's probably at "the same old place" (can replace "the same old place" with "that place")
page 95
beated up guy: what?! [standing guy], you better explaint it clearly
standing guy: i said, are you and [girl lead]'s relation already over the boundary of brother and sister?
standing guy: and because of that, she rejected my proposal!
beated up guy: thats right! i find [girl lead] cute. very cute. (cute until) it makes me wish that "she will never leave me!" (""-ed sentence had been edited. for literally translate, it is, "she will never married with other guy (thus stay by my side)!")
standing guy: just what i thought.... (again, edited by me. literally translate would be: you... you see!)
beated up guy: but, i never treat her as a girl! (literally translated: but, i never see her as a girl before)
page 96
beated up guy: we had been sibling since she's 6 years old
standing guy: but its not the same for [girl lead], right?
beated up guy: for now, she think that im the one closest to her and can protect her.
beated up guy: for as she get older, this situation will eventually change.
beated up guy: (although) her parent treat me very good... but for me, they are more of as [enermy] than [family]...(i use enermy because it rhyme with family. just like in chinese)
beated up guy: only [girl lead] is liky my real family (member).
beated up guy: i will treat her as my sister forever. there's nothing can change this
page 97
male lead: [standing guy] arent like you! for [standing guy], no matter it is [girl lead] or [girls name], it will be a good marriage/proposal
male lead: but you... you ruined [girl lead]'s happiness!
male lead: if it is me, i will give the girl that i like happiness by myself.
male lead: i wont give this oppotunity to others! [this is what i think the mangaka try to say. but if translate literally, it is: i wont pass her to any one!]
page 98
beated up guy: you dunno how i feel! don't you know that i owe [girls name] a big time? (literally translate: don't you know that how much i had owe [girls name]?
girl lead: [beated up guy]!
girl lead: i want you to tell me honestly!
girl lead: do you really want to marry me? (literally translate: is it out of your own will that you want to marry with me?)
beated up guy: of... ofcourse!
girl lead: or is parent order you to?
page 99
beated up guy: anyway, i only hope that you can be happy (literally translate: anyway, i only hope that you can get happiness)
girl lead: it is imposible for me to be happy if we are together!
girl lead: because, for now, i also cannot treat you like a real man
page 100
beated up guy: it would be hard for you to change the feeling suddenly,
beated up guy: but you have to believe me that i love you more than any one would! (literally translate: please believe that i have a heart that love you more than any one else)
beated up guy: i will cherish you the most! (literally translate: i will give you happiness!)
girl lead: ... (i dunno how to bring out the meaning of tat 2 word. but basically can ignore it)
girl lead: you only listen to (my) parent, are you really a man!
girl lead: you are the worst! i hate you! (if put it in jap, it would be: saiyaku! i hate you!
page 101
girl lead: lets go!
girl lead: if you really want me to be happy, go convince mum and dad!
girl lead: else, dun expect i will talk to you ever again!
beated up guy: [girl lead]...
page 102
male lead: you better not get too emotional (literally translate: you better not let emotion do the thinking)
girl lead: ...what?
male lead: its the same situation as [a new name, i dunno who, lets refer to girl K]!
girl lead: ....!
page 103
male lead: a long time ago, theres once i heard you sleep talking,
male lead: you kept saying.. [beated up guy]!..
male lead: it must be you brother, right? you also said once, you cant marry with the one you love. [a new name, i dunno who, lets refer to girl K] only look like him, you already getting all over over him!
girl lead: you already know every thing... right? *swt*
girl lead: nevermind... i cannot forget him before.
girl lead: but now.. i have gotten over (literally translate: but now, i have see thru everything!)
girl lead: even my mood is getting cheerful (i dunno how to translate this line. literally translate: my mood is getting cheerful)
Chapter 47 : Confession
Page 90
male lead: If you are getting serious about this fight, then I might lose instantly...
male lead: And it's true that I'm inferior to everything about you,
male lead: but...
male lead: My feelings for [girl lead] are definitely stronger than yours!
page 92
beaten up guy: You... you like [girl lead] more than I do?
beaten up guy: Are you kidding me!? [PR Note: The Translator recommended "Are you Kidding!?" and I built on that a bit...]
page 93
beaten up guy: It's been 15 years...
beaten up guy: All this time, I've only considered her happiness! [PR Note: Translator prefers: "I always hope that I can cherish her!" which is just as bad and mangles the apparent meaning of this sentence. I consider my edit to be a more succinct method of getting the meaning across.]
beaten up guy: And you claim you love her more than I do?
male lead: You say that, but...
male lead: didn't you leave her before?
beaten up guy: ...what?
page 94
male lead: Before we started dating...
male lead: She was engaged to another man!
*flash back*
girl lead: Aunty, are you taking this to [beaten up guy]?
girl lead: Let me take it to him!
aunty: But he's not in his room...
girl lead: Then he's probably at "that place."
page 95
beaten up guy: What!? [standing guy], you better explain yourself.
standing guy: I said, "has your relationship with [girl lead] already gone beyond just brother and sister?"
standing guy: And because of that, she rejected my proposal! [PR Note: WTF? This sentence makes absolutely no sense after the last one. He asks a question and then we learn that because of that...wtf? I need the raws to tell if this is just a translation cock up or something. v.v]
beaten up guy: That's right! I find [girl lead] cute. Very cute! So cute it makes me wish she'll be with me forever!
standing guy: Just as I thought...
beaten up guy: But, I never treat her like a girl!
page 96
beaten up guy: We've been like siblings since she was six years old. [PR Note: Added 'like' because they're not actually siblings, they just treat each other that way.]
standing guy: But [girl lead] doesn't think that way, right?
beaten up guy: For now, she thinks that I'm the one closest to her and that I can protect her.
beaten up guy: But, when she gets older, that will change.
beaten up guy: Even though her parents treat me very well... to me, they are more like enemies than family... [PR Note: Translator used "Enermy" which isn't a word. It was meant to rhyme with "family." I'm not sure what he was intending, or even if he meant something other than Enemy. I can only go with what I have.]
beaten up guy: Only [girl lead] is part of my real family.
beaten up guy: I will treat her like my sister forever. Nothing will ever change that.
page 97
male lead: [standing guy] isn't like you! For [standing guy], no matter if it's [girl lead] or [girls name], it will be a happy marriage.
male lead: But you... you ruined [girl lead]'s happiness!
male lead: If it were me, I would give the girl that I like happiness by myself.
male lead: I wouldn't give this opportunity to others! [PR Note: This is the translator’s best guess, and while it seems to be worded in a way that sounds very selfish, without knowing the character and the context he's speaking from, I can't say it's wrong. So, all I did was fix up the spelling mistakes and tense issue in the translator's proposed sentence.]
page 98
beaten up guy: You don't know how I feel! Don't you know that I owe [girls name] tons?
girl lead: [beaten up guy]...
girl lead: I want you to tell me honestly:
girl lead: Do you really want to marry me?
beaten up guy: O- of course!
girl lead: Or did your parents order you to? [PR Note: There's not enough context here to tell if it's his parents or her parents that she thinks ordered him to. I assume it's his parents, because it would be retarded for her parents to order him, but without having read the actual manga there's just not enough context.]
page 99
beaten up guy: Anyway, I only want you to be happy!
girl lead: It’s impossible for me to be happy if we are together!
girl lead: Because, for now, I cannot treat you like a real man...
page 100
beaten up guy: It would be hard for you to change your feelings suddenly.
beaten up guy: But you have to believe me: I love you more than anyone!
beaten up guy: I will make you happy!
girl lead: ... (Translator: I dunno how to bring out the meaning of tat 2 word. but basically can ignore it) [PR Note: What two words? Why are we ignoring this? Sloppy. v.v]
girl lead: You only listen to my parents, are you really a man!?
girl lead: You're the worst! I hate you!
page 101
girl lead: Let's go!
girl lead: If you really want me to be happy, go convince Mom and Dad.
girl lead: Otherwise, don't expect me to talk to you ever again!
beaten up guy: [girl lead]...
page 102
male lead: You better not get too emotional.
girl lead: ... What?
male lead: It’s the same situation as [a new name, I dunno who, lets refer to girl K]!
girl lead: ...!
page 103
male lead: A long time ago, I heard you talking in your sleep.
male lead: You kept saying... [beaten up guy]'s name!
male lead: That must be your brother's name, right? You also said once that you can't marry the one you love. [a new name, I dunno who, lets refer to girl K] only looks like him, and you're already all over him.
girl lead: You already know everything... right? *swt* [PR Note: Do we honestly translate sweat drops?]
girl lead: Never mind. I couldn't forget him before..,
girl lead: But now that I've seen the truth...
girl lead: Even my mood is getting better.
As I mentioned in my greeting in the introductory forum (http://www.franky-house.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4406), I'm a proofreader who currently doesn't have a group. I had certain Real Life issues crop up that lead to me being removed from my previous group, and while I'm more than happy to discuss them with someone, I am unwilling to do so on a public forum. What I mean by that is simply that if it's a concern to whomever grades these tests, that they should send me a private message, instead of posting here asking for more details.
Now then, with that said...
Anything in my example proofing of the test here which is surrounded by [PR Note: ] is something I personally am saying to the typesetter/editor reading this over. A lot of changes I made were made based only on context and what the translator put in his notes, and this was a terrible quality script, honestly. Rude of me to say, but that's how it is. It especially bothered me that there's a line that wasn't translated, and that there's no guide to which bubbles these lines are originally from. If I had the raws (something I like to have when proofing to get a sense of intent from people's expressions) I'd have been trying to piece it all together based on a best guess.
Anyways. I'm opinionated about proper English and a few things were just straight wrong from a grammar perspective. But, regardless. My test is under the second spoiler tag, and hopefully I didn't do this wrong. But again, I noticed Michi complain here (http://www.franky-house.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3483) about people not just taking the listed tests from here (http://www.franky-house.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3110) for their tests, so I did just that.
chapter 47 : Confess
Page 90
male lead: If you are getting serious (about fighting with me), perhaps i would have lose instantly/quickly
male lead: It's true that i lose to every aspect of yours.
male lead: but...
male lead: my heart toward [girl lead] is definately stronger than yours
page 92
beated up guy: you... you like [girl lead] more than me?
baeted up guy: what kind of joke is this! (but i prefer to replace it with, Are you kidding?!)
page 93
beated up guy: its been 15 years...
beated up guy: over this 15 years, i always hope that i can give/show [girl lead] happiness! (but i prefer it to be: i always hope that i can cherish her!
beated up guy: and you are saying you love her more than i do?
male lead: although this is what you said, but...
male lead: arent you left her before?
beated up guy: ...what?
page 94
male lead: before she's with me... (but i prefer to replace it with, before we are together...)
male lead: she is a fiancee of another guy! (sorry, i dunno how to translate this line literally. it should be something like, she had a "pre-marriage/proposal/i serioulsy dunno the word in english" with another guy!)
*flash back*
girl lead: aunty, are you bringing this to [beated up guy]?
girl lead: let me bring it to him!
aunty: but he is not at his room....
girl lead: then he's probably at "the same old place" (can replace "the same old place" with "that place")
page 95
beated up guy: what?! [standing guy], you better explaint it clearly
standing guy: i said, are you and [girl lead]'s relation already over the boundary of brother and sister?
standing guy: and because of that, she rejected my proposal!
beated up guy: thats right! i find [girl lead] cute. very cute. (cute until) it makes me wish that "she will never leave me!" (""-ed sentence had been edited. for literally translate, it is, "she will never married with other guy (thus stay by my side)!")
standing guy: just what i thought.... (again, edited by me. literally translate would be: you... you see!)
beated up guy: but, i never treat her as a girl! (literally translated: but, i never see her as a girl before)
page 96
beated up guy: we had been sibling since she's 6 years old
standing guy: but its not the same for [girl lead], right?
beated up guy: for now, she think that im the one closest to her and can protect her.
beated up guy: for as she get older, this situation will eventually change.
beated up guy: (although) her parent treat me very good... but for me, they are more of as [enermy] than [family]...(i use enermy because it rhyme with family. just like in chinese)
beated up guy: only [girl lead] is liky my real family (member).
beated up guy: i will treat her as my sister forever. there's nothing can change this
page 97
male lead: [standing guy] arent like you! for [standing guy], no matter it is [girl lead] or [girls name], it will be a good marriage/proposal
male lead: but you... you ruined [girl lead]'s happiness!
male lead: if it is me, i will give the girl that i like happiness by myself.
male lead: i wont give this oppotunity to others! [this is what i think the mangaka try to say. but if translate literally, it is: i wont pass her to any one!]
page 98
beated up guy: you dunno how i feel! don't you know that i owe [girls name] a big time? (literally translate: don't you know that how much i had owe [girls name]?
girl lead: [beated up guy]!
girl lead: i want you to tell me honestly!
girl lead: do you really want to marry me? (literally translate: is it out of your own will that you want to marry with me?)
beated up guy: of... ofcourse!
girl lead: or is parent order you to?
page 99
beated up guy: anyway, i only hope that you can be happy (literally translate: anyway, i only hope that you can get happiness)
girl lead: it is imposible for me to be happy if we are together!
girl lead: because, for now, i also cannot treat you like a real man
page 100
beated up guy: it would be hard for you to change the feeling suddenly,
beated up guy: but you have to believe me that i love you more than any one would! (literally translate: please believe that i have a heart that love you more than any one else)
beated up guy: i will cherish you the most! (literally translate: i will give you happiness!)
girl lead: ... (i dunno how to bring out the meaning of tat 2 word. but basically can ignore it)
girl lead: you only listen to (my) parent, are you really a man!
girl lead: you are the worst! i hate you! (if put it in jap, it would be: saiyaku! i hate you!
page 101
girl lead: lets go!
girl lead: if you really want me to be happy, go convince mum and dad!
girl lead: else, dun expect i will talk to you ever again!
beated up guy: [girl lead]...
page 102
male lead: you better not get too emotional (literally translate: you better not let emotion do the thinking)
girl lead: ...what?
male lead: its the same situation as [a new name, i dunno who, lets refer to girl K]!
girl lead: ....!
page 103
male lead: a long time ago, theres once i heard you sleep talking,
male lead: you kept saying.. [beated up guy]!..
male lead: it must be you brother, right? you also said once, you cant marry with the one you love. [a new name, i dunno who, lets refer to girl K] only look like him, you already getting all over over him!
girl lead: you already know every thing... right? *swt*
girl lead: nevermind... i cannot forget him before.
girl lead: but now.. i have gotten over (literally translate: but now, i have see thru everything!)
girl lead: even my mood is getting cheerful (i dunno how to translate this line. literally translate: my mood is getting cheerful)
Chapter 47 : Confession
Page 90
male lead: If you are getting serious about this fight, then I might lose instantly...
male lead: And it's true that I'm inferior to everything about you,
male lead: but...
male lead: My feelings for [girl lead] are definitely stronger than yours!
page 92
beaten up guy: You... you like [girl lead] more than I do?
beaten up guy: Are you kidding me!? [PR Note: The Translator recommended "Are you Kidding!?" and I built on that a bit...]
page 93
beaten up guy: It's been 15 years...
beaten up guy: All this time, I've only considered her happiness! [PR Note: Translator prefers: "I always hope that I can cherish her!" which is just as bad and mangles the apparent meaning of this sentence. I consider my edit to be a more succinct method of getting the meaning across.]
beaten up guy: And you claim you love her more than I do?
male lead: You say that, but...
male lead: didn't you leave her before?
beaten up guy: ...what?
page 94
male lead: Before we started dating...
male lead: She was engaged to another man!
*flash back*
girl lead: Aunty, are you taking this to [beaten up guy]?
girl lead: Let me take it to him!
aunty: But he's not in his room...
girl lead: Then he's probably at "that place."
page 95
beaten up guy: What!? [standing guy], you better explain yourself.
standing guy: I said, "has your relationship with [girl lead] already gone beyond just brother and sister?"
standing guy: And because of that, she rejected my proposal! [PR Note: WTF? This sentence makes absolutely no sense after the last one. He asks a question and then we learn that because of that...wtf? I need the raws to tell if this is just a translation cock up or something. v.v]
beaten up guy: That's right! I find [girl lead] cute. Very cute! So cute it makes me wish she'll be with me forever!
standing guy: Just as I thought...
beaten up guy: But, I never treat her like a girl!
page 96
beaten up guy: We've been like siblings since she was six years old. [PR Note: Added 'like' because they're not actually siblings, they just treat each other that way.]
standing guy: But [girl lead] doesn't think that way, right?
beaten up guy: For now, she thinks that I'm the one closest to her and that I can protect her.
beaten up guy: But, when she gets older, that will change.
beaten up guy: Even though her parents treat me very well... to me, they are more like enemies than family... [PR Note: Translator used "Enermy" which isn't a word. It was meant to rhyme with "family." I'm not sure what he was intending, or even if he meant something other than Enemy. I can only go with what I have.]
beaten up guy: Only [girl lead] is part of my real family.
beaten up guy: I will treat her like my sister forever. Nothing will ever change that.
page 97
male lead: [standing guy] isn't like you! For [standing guy], no matter if it's [girl lead] or [girls name], it will be a happy marriage.
male lead: But you... you ruined [girl lead]'s happiness!
male lead: If it were me, I would give the girl that I like happiness by myself.
male lead: I wouldn't give this opportunity to others! [PR Note: This is the translator’s best guess, and while it seems to be worded in a way that sounds very selfish, without knowing the character and the context he's speaking from, I can't say it's wrong. So, all I did was fix up the spelling mistakes and tense issue in the translator's proposed sentence.]
page 98
beaten up guy: You don't know how I feel! Don't you know that I owe [girls name] tons?
girl lead: [beaten up guy]...
girl lead: I want you to tell me honestly:
girl lead: Do you really want to marry me?
beaten up guy: O- of course!
girl lead: Or did your parents order you to? [PR Note: There's not enough context here to tell if it's his parents or her parents that she thinks ordered him to. I assume it's his parents, because it would be retarded for her parents to order him, but without having read the actual manga there's just not enough context.]
page 99
beaten up guy: Anyway, I only want you to be happy!
girl lead: It’s impossible for me to be happy if we are together!
girl lead: Because, for now, I cannot treat you like a real man...
page 100
beaten up guy: It would be hard for you to change your feelings suddenly.
beaten up guy: But you have to believe me: I love you more than anyone!
beaten up guy: I will make you happy!
girl lead: ... (Translator: I dunno how to bring out the meaning of tat 2 word. but basically can ignore it) [PR Note: What two words? Why are we ignoring this? Sloppy. v.v]
girl lead: You only listen to my parents, are you really a man!?
girl lead: You're the worst! I hate you!
page 101
girl lead: Let's go!
girl lead: If you really want me to be happy, go convince Mom and Dad.
girl lead: Otherwise, don't expect me to talk to you ever again!
beaten up guy: [girl lead]...
page 102
male lead: You better not get too emotional.
girl lead: ... What?
male lead: It’s the same situation as [a new name, I dunno who, lets refer to girl K]!
girl lead: ...!
page 103
male lead: A long time ago, I heard you talking in your sleep.
male lead: You kept saying... [beaten up guy]'s name!
male lead: That must be your brother's name, right? You also said once that you can't marry the one you love. [a new name, I dunno who, lets refer to girl K] only looks like him, and you're already all over him.
girl lead: You already know everything... right? *swt* [PR Note: Do we honestly translate sweat drops?]
girl lead: Never mind. I couldn't forget him before..,
girl lead: But now that I've seen the truth...
girl lead: Even my mood is getting better.