Looking to Proofread

[eriele]

Really appreciate what you guys have done here so I decided it's time to give something back!

Thanks in advance. Looking forward to test.

[endless]

then, you need to wait for michi to get the test, or you can PM her to ask about the test, good luck! :D

[michiyohayashi]

here's the test.
Remember to put your corrections under the original sentences and type in bold so that it'll be easier to differentiate.

chapter 47 : Confess

Page 90
male lead: If you are getting serious (about fighting with me), perhaps i would have lose instantly/quickly
male lead: It's true that i lose to every aspect of yours.
male lead: but...
male lead: my heart toward [girl lead] is definately stronger than yours

page 92
beated up guy: you... you like [girl lead] more than me?
baeted up guy: what kind of joke is this! (but i prefer to replace it with, Are you kidding?!)

page 93
beated up guy: its been 15 years...
beated up guy: over this 15 years, i always hope that i can give/show [girl lead] happiness! (but i prefer it to be: i always hope that i can cherish her!
beated up guy: and you are saying you love her more than i do?
male lead: although this is what you said, but...
male lead: arent you left her before?
beated up guy: ...what?

page 94
male lead: before she's with me... (but i prefer to replace it with, before we are together...)
male lead: she is a fiancee of another guy! (sorry, i dunno how to translate this line literally. it should be something like, she had a "pre-marriage/proposal/i serioulsy dunno the word in english" with another guy!)
*flash back*
girl lead: aunty, are you bringing this to [beated up guy]?
girl lead: let me bring it to him!
aunty: but he is not at his room....
girl lead: then he's probably at "the same old place" (can replace "the same old place" with "that place")

page 95
beated up guy: what?! [standing guy], you better explaint it clearly
standing guy: i said, are you and [girl lead]'s relation already over the boundary of brother and sister?
standing guy: and because of that, she rejected my proposal!
beated up guy: thats right! i find [girl lead] cute. very cute. (cute until) it makes me wish that "she will never leave me!" (""-ed sentence had been edited. for literally translate, it is, "she will never married with other guy (thus stay by my side)!")
standing guy: just what i thought.... (again, edited by me. literally translate would be: you... you see!)
beated up guy: but, i never treat her as a girl! (literally translated: but, i never see her as a girl before)

page 96
beated up guy: we had been sibling since she's 6 years old
standing guy: but its not the same for [girl lead], right?
beated up guy: for now, she think that im the one closest to her and can protect her.
beated up guy: for as she get older, this situation will eventually change.
beated up guy: (although) her parent treat me very good... but for me, they are more of as [enermy] than [family]...(i use enermy because it rhyme with family. just like in chinese)
beated up guy: only [girl lead] is liky my real family (member).
beated up guy: i will treat her as my sister forever. there's nothing can change this

page 97
male lead: [standing guy] arent like you! for [standing guy], no matter it is [girl lead] or [girls name], it will be a good marriage/proposal
male lead: but you... you ruined [girl lead]'s happiness!
male lead: if it is me, i will give the girl that i like happiness by myself.
male lead: i wont give this oppotunity to others! [this is what i think the mangaka try to say. but if translate literally, it is: i wont pass her to any one!]

page 98
beated up guy: you dunno how i feel! don't you know that i owe [girls name] a big time? (literally translate: don't you know that how much i had owe [girls name]?
girl lead: [beated up guy]!
girl lead: i want you to tell me honestly!
girl lead: do you really want to marry me? (literally translate: is it out of your own will that you want to marry with me?)
beated up guy: of... ofcourse!
girl lead: or is parent order you to?

page 99
beated up guy: anyway, i only hope that you can be happy (literally translate: anyway, i only hope that you can get happiness)
girl lead: it is imposible for me to be happy if we are together!
girl lead: because, for now, i also cannot treat you like a real man

page 100
beated up guy: it would be hard for you to change the feeling suddenly,
beated up guy: but you have to believe me that i love you more than any one would! (literally translate: please believe that i have a heart that love you more than any one else)
beated up guy: i will cherish you the most! (literally translate: i will give you happiness!)
girl lead: ... (i dunno how to bring out the meaning of tat 2 word. but basically can ignore it)
girl lead: you only listen to (my) parent, are you really a man!
girl lead: you are the worst! i hate you! (if put it in jap, it would be: saiyaku! i hate you!

page 101
girl lead: lets go!
girl lead: if you really want me to be happy, go convince mum and dad!
girl lead: else, dun expect i will talk to you ever again!
beated up guy: [girl lead]...

page 102
male lead: you better not get too emotional (literally translate: you better not let emotion do the thinking)
girl lead: ...what?
male lead: its the same situation as [a new name, i dunno who, lets refer to girl K]!
girl lead: ....!

page 103
male lead: a long time ago, theres once i heard you sleep talking,
male lead: you kept saying.. [beated up guy]!..
male lead: it must be you brother, right? you also said once, you cant marry with the one you love. [a new name, i dunno who, lets refer to girl K] only look like him, you already getting all over over him!
girl lead: you already know every thing... right? *swt*
girl lead: nevermind... i cannot forget him before.
girl lead: but now.. i have gotten over (literally translate: but now, i have see thru everything!)
girl lead: even my mood is getting cheerful (i dunno how to translate this line. literally translate: my mood is getting cheerful)

[mab]

micchi strick again xD

good luck man :D

[eriele]

chapter 47 : Confess
Chapter 47: Confession

Page 90
male lead: If you are getting serious (about fighting with me), perhaps i would have lose instantly/quickly
I probably would have lost instantly if you were serious about this fight.
male lead: It's true that i lose to every aspect of yours.
It's true that I can't possibly compare to you in any way.
male lead: but...
male lead: my heart toward [girl lead] is definately stronger than yours
My feelings for [girl lead] are definitely stronger than yours!

page 92
beated up guy: you... you like [girl lead] more than me?
You... you love [girl lead] more than I do?
baeted up guy: what kind of joke is this! (but i prefer to replace it with, Are you kidding?!)
You must be joking!

page 93
beated up guy: its been 15 years...
It's been 15 years...
beated up guy: over this 15 years, i always hope that i can give/show [girl lead] happiness
I've always wanted to make her happy in these past 15 years
beated up guy: and you are saying you love her more than i do?
male lead: although this is what you said, but...
Even though you're saying this now...
male lead: arent you left her before?
Haven't you left her before?
beated up guy: ...what?

page 94
male lead: before she's with me... (but i prefer to replace it with, before we are together...)
Before we were together...
male lead: she is a fiancee of another guy! (sorry, i dunno how to translate this line literally. it should be something like, she had a "pre-marriage/proposal/i serioulsy dunno the word in english" with another guy!)
She was already engaged to another man.
girl lead: aunty, are you bringing this to ?
girl lead: let me bring it to him!
[B]Let me bring it!
aunty: but he is not at his room....
But he's not in his room right now...
girl lead: then he's probably at "the same old place" (can replace "the same old place" with "that place")
Then he's probably at that same old spot.

beated up guy: what?! [standing guy], you better explaint it clearly
What? [Standing guy], you better explain it clearly.
standing guy: i said, are you and [girl lead]'s relation already over the boundary of brother and sister?
I said, are your feelings for each other already more than just brother and sister?
standing guy: and because of that, she rejected my proposal!
beated up guy: thats right! i find [girl lead] cute. very cute. (cute until) it makes me wish that "she will never leave me!" (""-ed sentence had been edited. for literally translate, it is, "she will never married with other guy (thus stay by my side)!")
That's right! I find [girl lead] cute, very cute, so cute that I can't stand seeing her with another guy!
standing guy: just what i thought.... (again, edited by me. literally translate would be: you... you see!)
Just as I thought...
beated up guy: but, i never treat her as a girl! (literally translated: but, i never see her as a girl before)
But...I never saw her as a girl before.

page 96
beated up guy: we had been sibling since she's 6 years old
We've been siblings since she was 6
standing guy: but its not the same for [girl lead], right?
beated up guy: for now, she think that im the one closest to her and can protect her.
At the moment, she only thinks of me as the person who is closest to her, who can protect her.
beated up guy: for as she get older, this situation will eventually change.
But this situation will change when she gets older
beated up guy: (although) her parent treat me very good... but for me, they are more of as [enermy] than [family]...(i use enermy because it rhyme with family. just like in chinese)
Even though her parents treat me very well, I still think of them as enemies rather than family.
beated up guy: only [girl lead] is liky my real family (member).
Only [girl lead] is my real family.
beated up guy: i will treat her as my sister forever. there's nothing can change this
She'll always be my sister. Nothing can change this.

page 97
male lead: [standing guy] arent like you! for [standing guy], no matter it is [girl lead] or [girls name], it will be a good marriage/proposal
[standing guy] is not like you! For [standing guy], it will be a good marriage whether it's for [girl lead] or [girl's name].
male lead: but you... you ruined [girl lead]'s happiness!
But you... you have ruined [girl lead]'s happiness!
male lead: if it is me, i will give the girl that i like happiness by myself.
I will give happiness to the girl I love if I'm given the chance
male lead: i wont give this oppotunity to others! [this is what i think the mangaka try to say. but if translate literally, it is: i wont pass her to any one!]
I will not give her up to anyone!

page 98
beated up guy: you dunno how i feel! don't you know that i owe [girls name] a big time? (literally translate: don't you know that how much i had owe [girls name]?
You don't know I feel! Don't you know how much I owe [girl's name]?
girl lead: I want you to tell me honestly!
girl lead: !
girl lead: do you really want to marry me? (literally translate: is it out of your own will that you want to marry with me?)
[B]Do you want to marry me out of your own free will?
beated up guy: of... ofcourse!
girl lead: or is parent order you to?
Or were you ordered by my parents?

page 99
beated up guy: anyway, i only hope that you can be happy (literally translate: anyway, i only hope that you can get happiness)
Either way, I just want you to be happy.
girl lead: it is imposible for me to be happy if we are together!
It will be impossible for me to be happy if we are together!
girl lead: because, for now, i also cannot treat you like a real man
Because, right now, I do not see you as a man.

page 100
beated up guy: it would be hard for you to change the feeling suddenly,
I know it's hard for you to suddenly change your feelings towards me,
beated up guy: but you have to believe me that i love you more than any one would! (literally translate: please believe that i have a heart that love you more than any one else)
but you have to believe that I love you more than anyone can!
beated up guy: i will cherish you the most! (literally translate: i will give you happiness!)
I will make you happy!
girl lead: ... (i dunno how to bring out the meaning of tat 2 word. but basically can ignore it)
girl lead: you only listen to (my) parent, are you really a man!
All you can do is listen to my parents. Are you really a man!?
girl lead: you are the worst! i hate you! (if put it in jap, it would be: saiyaku! i hate you!

page 101
girl lead: lets go!
Let's go!
girl lead: if you really want me to be happy, go convince mum and dad!
Go convince mom and dad if you really want me to be happy!
girl lead: else, dun expect i will talk to you ever again!
Otherwise, don't expect me to talk to you ever again!

beated up guy: [girl lead]...

page 102
male lead: you better not get too emotional (literally translate: you better not let emotion do the thinking)
You better not let your emotions get a better hold of you.
male lead: its the same situation as [a new name, i dunno who, lets refer to girl K]!
It is the same situation with
girl lead: ....!

page 103
male lead: a long time ago, theres once i heard you sleep talking,
I heard you sleep talking once--a long time ago.
male lead: you kept saying.. !..
[B]You kept repeating "[beated up guy]!"
male lead: it must be you brother, right? you also said once, you cant marry with the one you love. [a new name, i dunno who, lets refer to girl K] only look like him, you already getting all over over him!
It must be you brother, right? You also said once that you can't marry the one you love. [New name] only looks like him but you are already all over over him!
girl lead: you already know every thing... right? *swt*
girl lead: nevermind... i cannot forget him before.
Doesn't matter... before...I couldn't forget him.
girl lead: but now.. i have gotten over (literally translate: but now, i have see thru everything!)
But I have gotten over it now.
girl lead: even my mood is getting cheerful (i dunno how to translate this line. literally translate: my mood is getting cheerful)
I'm feeling much better!


It's a little difficult for me without knowing the context of what's going on. It was a bit tough trying to understand the scenario.

I'm also not too informed about particular rules. For example, should I make these sentences as compact as possible? (Especially because I have a tendency to over-use past participle) I was also unsure of what my powers are as a proofreader to change a translator's interpretation or representation of character.

Thanks in advance!

[michiyohayashi]

chapter 47 : Confess
Chapter 47: Confession

Page 90
male lead: If you are getting serious (about fighting with me), perhaps i would have lose instantly/quickly
I probably would have lost instantly if you were serious about this fight.
male lead: It's true that i lose to every aspect of yours.
It's true that I can't possibly compare to you in any way.
male lead: but...
male lead: my heart toward [girl lead] is definately stronger than yours
My feelings for [girl lead] are definitely stronger than yours!

page 92
beated up guy: you... you like [girl lead] more than me?
You... you love [girl lead] more than I do?
baeted up guy: what kind of joke is this! (but i prefer to replace it with, Are you kidding?!)
You must be joking!

page 93
beated up guy: its been 15 years...
It's been 15 years...
beated up guy: over this 15 years, i always hope that i can give/show [girl lead] happiness
I've always wanted to make her happy in these past 15 years
For 15 years, I've always wanted to make her happy.
beated up guy: and you are saying you love her more than i do?
And you say you love her more than I do?
male lead: although this is what you said, but...
Even though you're saying this now...
male lead: arent you left her before?
Haven't you left her before?
Didn't you leave her before? (interchangeable)
beated up guy: ...what?

page 94
male lead: before she's with me... (but i prefer to replace it with, before we are together...)
Before we were together...
male lead: she is a fiancee of another guy! (sorry, i dunno how to translate this line literally. it should be something like, she had a "pre-marriage/proposal/i serioulsy dunno the word in english" with another guy!)
She was already engaged to another man.
girl lead: aunty, are you bringing this to ?
girl lead: let me bring it to him!
Let me bring it!
[B]Let me take it to him!
aunty: but he is not at his room....
But he's not in his room right now...
girl lead: then he's probably at "the same old place" (can replace "the same old place" with "that place")
Then he's probably at that same old spot.

beated up guy: what?! [standing guy], you better explaint it clearly
What? [Standing guy], you better explain it clearly.
standing guy: i said, are you and [girl lead]'s relation already over the boundary of brother and sister?
I said, are your feelings for each other already more than just brother and sister?
I said, have your feelings for each other grown to be more than that of brother and sister?
standing guy: and because of that, she rejected my proposal!
beated up guy: thats right! i find [girl lead] cute. very cute. (cute until) it makes me wish that "she will never leave me!" (""-ed sentence had been edited. for literally translate, it is, "she will never married with other guy (thus stay by my side)!")
That's right! I find [girl lead] cute, very cute, so cute that I can't stand seeing her with another guy!
... stand to see
standing guy: just what i thought.... (again, edited by me. literally translate would be: you... you see!)
Just as I thought...
beated up guy: but, i never treat her as a girl! (literally translated: but, i never see her as a girl before)
But...I never saw her as a girl before.
... I've never seen her...

page 96
beated up guy: we had been sibling since she's 6 years old
We've been siblings since she was 6
standing guy: but its not the same for [girl lead], right?
but it's.... , is it?
beated up guy: for now, she think that im the one closest to her and can protect her.
At the moment, she only thinks of me as the person who is closest to her, who can protect her.
change 'who' to 'and'
beated up guy: for as she get older, this situation will eventually change.
But this situation will change when she gets older
beated up guy: (although) her parent treat me very good... but for me, they are more of as [enermy] than [family]...(i use enermy because it rhyme with family. just like in chinese)
Even though her parents treat me very well, I still think of them as enemies rather than family.
leave the text in oblixes.
beated up guy: only [girl lead] is liky my real family (member).
Only [girl lead] is my real family.
beated up guy: i will treat her as my sister forever. there's nothing can change this
She'll always be my sister. Nothing can change this.

page 97
male lead: [standing guy] arent like you! for [standing guy], no matter it is [girl lead] or [girls name], it will be a good marriage/proposal
[standing guy] is not like you! For [standing guy], it will be a good marriage whether it's for [girl lead] or [girl's name].
male lead: but you... you ruined [girl lead]'s happiness!
But you... you have ruined [girl lead]'s happiness!
male lead: if it is me, i will give the girl that i like happiness by myself.
I will give happiness to the girl I love if I'm given the chance
If it were me, I'll give happiness to the girl I love myself.
male lead: i wont give this oppotunity to others! [this is what i think the mangaka try to say. but if translate literally, it is: i wont pass her to any one!]
I will not give her up to anyone!

page 98
beated up guy: you dunno how i feel! don't you know that i owe [girls name] a big time? (literally translate: don't you know that how much i had owe [girls name]?
You don't know I feel! Don't you know how much I owe [girl's name]?
...know how...
girl lead: I want you to tell me honestly!
girl lead: !
girl lead: do you really want to marry me? (literally translate: is it out of your own will that you want to marry with me?)
Do you want to marry me out of your own free will?
beated up guy: of... ofcourse!
girl lead: or is parent order you to?
Or were you ordered by my parents?
[B]Or did my parents order you to do so?

page 99
beated up guy: anyway, i only hope that you can be happy (literally translate: anyway, i only hope that you can get happiness)
Either way, I just want you to be happy.
girl lead: it is imposible for me to be happy if we are together!
It will be impossible for me to be happy if we are together!
girl lead: because, for now, i also cannot treat you like a real man
Because, right now, I do not see you as a man.

page 100
beated up guy: it would be hard for you to change the feeling suddenly,
I know it's hard for you to suddenly change your feelings towards me,
beated up guy: but you have to believe me that i love you more than any one would! (literally translate: please believe that i have a heart that love you more than any one else)
but you have to believe that I love you more than anyone can!
...that I'll love...anyone else!
beated up guy: i will cherish you the most! (literally translate: i will give you happiness!)
I will make you happy!
girl lead: ... (i dunno how to bring out the meaning of tat 2 word. but basically can ignore it)
girl lead: you only listen to (my) parent, are you really a man!
All you can do is listen to my parents. Are you really a man!?
girl lead: you are the worst! i hate you! (if put it in jap, it would be: saiyaku! i hate you!

page 101
girl lead: lets go!
Let's go!
girl lead: if you really want me to be happy, go convince mum and dad!
Go convince mom and dad if you really want me to be happy!
girl lead: else, dun expect i will talk to you ever again!
Otherwise, don't expect me to talk to you ever again!

beated up guy: [girl lead]...

page 102
male lead: you better not get too emotional (literally translate: you better not let emotion do the thinking)
You better not let your emotions get a better hold of you.
...get the better of you.
male lead: its the same situation as [a new name, i dunno who, lets refer to girl K]!
It is the same situation with
situation as
girl lead: ....!

page 103
male lead: a long time ago, theres once i heard you sleep talking,
I heard you sleep talking once--a long time ago.
male lead: you kept saying.. !..
You kept repeating "[beated up guy]!"
[B]leave it as 'saying'.
male lead: it must be you brother, right? you also said once, you cant marry with the one you love. [a new name, i dunno who, lets refer to girl K] only look like him, you already getting all over over him!
It must be you brother, right? You also said once that you can't marry the one you love. [New name] only looks like him but you are already all over over him!
It must be your brother, huh. You've mentioned that you can't marry the one you love. [K] only looked like him and you fell head over heels for him!
girl lead: you already know every thing... right? *swt*
everthing... huh?
girl lead: nevermind... i cannot forget him before.
Doesn't matter... before...I couldn't forget him.
girl lead: but now.. i have gotten over (literally translate: but now, i have see thru everything!)
But I have gotten over it now.
girl lead: even my mood is getting cheerful (i dunno how to translate this line. literally translate: my mood is getting cheerful)
I'm feeling much better!

[michiyohayashi]

Quite good, compared to some that I've seen.
However, I'm sorry to say that you've failed.
GAMEOVER

Would you like to continue?
Y/N?

[eriele]

Sure, I'd love to try another test.

Also, I have to say, some of the changes you've made are definitely better but some are also stylistic changes that are based upon personal style. I'm not quite sure what you guys are looking for. Does it depend on the work, the character, or independent proofreader? It'd be great if I can get some pointers from you folks so I can improve on my next test.

[Gate]

It depends on all three, but I prefer to stick with what the translator has done.

[michiyohayashi]

Aye, I've got strong character. Don't mess with me. hahahhaha!
*ahem*

On a serious note...
1) Correct grammar
2) Sentence structure - remember that text in speech bubbles are text in SPEECH bubbles. If you try to make the characters sound like robots, then where's the fun in a character?
3) Every sentence is linked to form the damn story, so you have to make the story flow smoothly. They're not lines from your friggin summer holiday homework.

**CREDITS ADDED**

CONTINUE?

Y

Script 2

Touch chapter 228 translation

Chapter title: 1 point is enough

Page 1
Announcer: Sticking with defense Sumi Tech Nine!
Announcer: 9 innings, the difference is 1 point!/ Well the side of the supporters of both school is beginning to get excited!
Announcer: There is only one ticket to Koushien!
Announcer: ----Well,/ Which one will get it is it Sumi Tech or Meisei!

Page 2
Coach: Oi,/Idiot
Tatsuya: Ah,/Did you call me?
Coach: Why did you fight Nitta

Page 3
Tatsuya: That’s because it’s baseball--------
Tatsuya: And besides
Tatsuya: Memorizing an intentional walk seems to become a habit

Page 4
Coach: Oops
Coach: Everybody listen!
Coach: We don’t need 2 points or three points!
Coach: We only need one point!
Coach: Do you get it, just 1 point!

Page 5
Coach: Our opponents may be a league of famous baseball pros,
Coach: They’re just the same high school kids like you so that’s why its 1 point!
Coach: It’s an easy job, you should be able to do it easily!
Everyone: Yes!
Coach: Hirose!
Hirose: Yes!
Coach: Don’t do anything unless you’re cornered/ Wait for a curve
Hirose: Understood!

Page 6
Announcer: ------Well!/ Left-handed batter----In the box number 5 Hirose!
Announcer: He’s the first batter you’d want to bring in baseball!

Page 7
Coach: International walk becomes a habit-------huh
Tatsuya: It’s just my conclusion
Referee: Strike!
Announcer: Count 2 is to 1, Driving the batter to a corner, Tsukuda!

Page 8
Teammates: Hirose---!
Referee: Batter---out!

Page 9
Coach: Was it a straight!?
Tatsuya: Eh
Tatsuya: You weren’t looking?/ Ookuma was found out
Tatsuya: It’s a curve just as coach said
Tatsuya: The result must have been, the change of ball speed------
Tatsuya: It was as you aimed

Page 10
Coach: Kubota, a safety hand for the first pitch
Kubota: Eh
Coach: Make it go to the pitcher’s left side then run at full speed

Page 11
NO TEXT

Page 12
Referee: Out!

Page 13
Announcer: How disappointing!/Number 6 Kubota, reached half of it!
Announcer: Sumi Tech with 9 points, Meisei has two runners out
People: Just one more!
People: Just one more, just one more!

Page 14
Coach: Close your armpits and put down your hips,/ remember that and go
Player: But with my swing…
Coach: Don’t worry
Coach: It’s nine innings, the pitcher’s losing his stuff
Coach: And the pitcher, you’re the last one so he’s losing his cautious play
Coach: And besides that guy is a friend of many points so have excessive care
Coach: Do you understand! There is no time for a strike! Hit it before he corners you!
Player: Yes!

Page 15
Player: Wah!
Tatsuya: Sneak
Tatsuya: I’m gonna be waiting for the returning shot

Page 16
Coach: What happened!?
Tatsuya: What happened?
Note: Sfx you see in the whole chapter is people cheering

[elicit]

*smashes up the game machine*

DIE U FRIGGIN MONEY EATER!!